I used to say that everything happens for a reason... well I still say that... and live my life by that saying. If I didn't full heartedly believe that God had a hand in everything, whether it be to pick up the pieces and make anew or to surprise with something beyond my own dreams, I wouldn't be able to live the day to day without complaints and bitterness.
Last I wrote I was in Thailand... wait let me say that again, for my own sake... not yours... I was in THAILAND. Writing about bugs, running through ricefields, strange cars, awesome people, fresh coconuts, adventures and life fully lived. Now I write back in America, in my office at San Luis Obispo High School. It's been almost 5 months...
Thailand was like a dream. I've never felt so alive, so free to laugh and eager to play. I discovered something new everday there. I think back on it and wonder how such an amazing time in my life wasn't a dream. There are so many things that I miss from that month: I miss waking up early, staying up late and filling the day to the brim. I miss the thai people and their gentle nature. How they could make you feel so loved without even knowing you. How they didn't hesitate to spend time and make others a priority. I miss playing card games, ping-pong, throwing birthday parties and eating meals in the sala. I miss the "cold room" and the dramatics that went on amongst our small group of staff. I miss playing jokes on people, and still being able to laugh when it went too far. I miss giving ryan a hard time for being so energetic and loud on that damn speaker phone! I miss meeting new students every week and loving them more than the last group (which I could have sworn every week was impossible). I miss riding in sung-taos, hanging on the back enjoying the views. I really miss 4 dollar massages. Thai tea, thai donuts, papaya face masks, drinks in a bag, cuddle puddles, geckos on the wall, capture the flag, ploy, caitlin, ty ty, evan, d-val, stu, sarah, brent.... it would be so great to go back.
So why did I leave then... I'm sure if you're reading this you'll already know, but for the sake of the story I'll recap :)
The end of June presented itself with too much worry about my lady things not happening... so I got a pregnancy test (sure it couldn't be positive) to just make sure... The next morning was a Thursday. Send off/Welcome day. I woke up at 6am, since I unintentionally became the leader to take students to feed the monks in the morning before they had their send off party. 6am, had to pee, had to pee on a stick.... said an intense prayer, opened my eyes, quickly shut my eyes, said an even more serious prayer (Lord this isn't funny, please open my eyes to see reality), opened my eyes again to what I couldn't deny was two very thick, pink lines... wait maybe two meant negative??? Nope... 6:30 I gained the strength to wipe my tears, walk out of the bathroom and hunt down my dear friend ploy... what would i have done without her? I don't know why I'm asking you because I can't even answer that question myself...
We walked, talked and decided to go to the hospital. She was supposed to be leaving for her trips that day, but was able to leave a little later so that she could go with me to the hospital. Again, another positive test... Thai people get very excited for pregnancy, so the lady that presented the test results was glowing... I wasn't and ploy kindly told her that it wasn't a good time to be happy... that situation makes me laugh now.
The RP staff was very understanding and helped me book an early flight home. Saturday, June 2 I headed home.
I spent the next month in Santa Monica with another good friend. This was such a good time for me to gather my thoughts and start planning for this crazy adventure I got myself into. I was able to reconnect with some special people in my life and reset my eating habits.
I moved into my apartment on July 27th... and another whirlwind was about to hit...
The dream job I had talked up all summer was about to be pulled out from under me. This dream job was a part time teaching, part time athletic training position at the high school I worked at for 2 years. I developed deep relationships with students, teachers and parents there. I invested myself and loved that school so much. I was insanely excited to get started... One meeting later, that was all put on hold... I was switched to the other local high school for the athletic training gig, and the teaching position was no longer being offered to me.
Leaving my mornings wide open, I needed another part time job... and this amazing barista job opened up. So now I'm working in the mornings at Joe Momma's where I take my breaks on the sand, and the afternoons at the public high school where I've met some really amazing students and coaches! I hate to say it, but I'm loving it here, and am so glad that God had guided me in this direction... He's starting to make anew.
So now I'm 7 months pregnant, love my job, feel my little girl kick and get anxious to meet her bouncy self and am closer to understanding what it means to truely trust in God than I have ever been in my life. This time of trial has been intense, no doubt, but seeing the way things work together for good only reassures my belief that everything happens for a reason... and that God has plan far beyond my understanding. I find so much joy in knowing that down the road something miraculous is going to happen, and I pray everyday that it happens to or because of my little one.
I'll end this long post of an update with things that I'm thankful for... fitting for november.
Thankful for my life, for the new life inside of me and for health. I'm thankful for the amazing city I get to live in, the apartment that I'm able to sleep in, the people that I meet every day. I'm thankful for my friends, all of their love and encouragement... mostly their lighthearts and sillyness. I'm thankful for my family, family is so special. I'm thankful for my job and the students that make it fun each day. I'm thankful for the challenges I face, and the strength that God gives me to endure them. I'm thankful for coming out a better person each time. I'm thankful for the easy pregnancy and healthy baby... I CAN'T wait to meet her... I'm thankful for being able to smile. Thankful for all the free yummy drinks I get from my morning job, thankful but sometimes regretful for the pastries I get there too.
I'm thankful for the future that has yet to be unveiled, the one with so much potential.
I'll be back again soon :)
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